Transcripts/Dungeons & Discords


 * Discord: Tea?
 * Fluttershy: [gasps]
 * Discord: Trendy coats? Bedrolls? Saddlebags? Oh! A surprise vacation just for the two of us? How thoughtful. I hear Puerto Caballo is lovely this time of year. Sand like powdered sugar. [blows]
 * [sprinkling]
 * Fluttershy: [gasps]
 * Discord: [gasps] So what you're saying is no tea? Ugh. Well. [clears throat] That's fine. I wasn't thirsty anyway.
 * Fluttershy: [gasps]
 * Discord: [laughs]
 * [beat]
 * Discord: You aren't kidding.
 * Fluttershy: They're very nice. They have a "top secret" thing they do whenever we leave Ponyville. Although everypony knows about it, so it's not a very good secret. I think you'd have fun with them.
 * Discord: Fun? With sidekicks? Oh, you must think that we're in a dimension where everything is opposite. [snap] "Da-dee-la! I'm Opposite Discord, and I want to hang out with Spike and Big Mac! I'm sure I'd have fun!"
 * Opposite Fluttershy: Well, guess what, Sassafras?! I'm Opposite Fluttershy, and I'm sick of being nice and quiet all the time!
 * Discord: [snap] Let me explain it to you as simply as I can. Me? Amazing! Them? Well, I've already forgotten who we're talking about. You see?
 * Fluttershy: All I'm saying is it's an opportunity to expand your circle of friends. [coddling] Unless you're afraid they won't like you?
 * Discord: Oh, please. Don't stoop to tedious reverse psychology. You're better than that.
 * Fluttershy: It never hurts to make new friends.
 * Discord: [scoffs] Consider it considered.
 * [magic poof]
 * Fluttershy: [humming] [gasps]
 * Discord: Couldn't I just come with you instead?


 * [theme song]


 * Discord: I suppose this is goodbye then. Have an absolutely fabulous voyage. [snap]
 * [magic zap]
 * Fluttershy: Discord...
 * Discord: [gasps] Well, it's not my fault the new train route leads into an active volcano. Guess you'll have to stay.
 * [beat]
 * Discord: Oh, you're no fun. [snap]
 * [magic zap]
 * Applejack: I got my bedroll, parka, unattractive but functional hikin' boots... Uh, anything I forgot, Pinkie Pie? You're our resident Yakyakistan expert.
 * Pinkie Pie: Nope! I brought yeti food!
 * [beat]
 * Pinkie Pie: Did I forget to mention there's a pony-eating yeti on Frost Field Glacier? We're gonna have so much fun!
 * Rainbow Dash: Heh. If he messes with us, I'll turn that yeti into confetti!
 * [train whistle blows]
 * [train chugging]
 * Applejack: Heh. Somepony's in an awful quick hurry to get us out of here. Don't y'all have too much fun without us.
 * Twilight Sparkle: I bet you boys have big plans. Right, Spike?
 * Spike: I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. Although if I did, I certainly wouldn't be allowed to discuss it with you girls.
 * (CJ and Eileen walk over to Eileen car.)(They drive off.)
 * [train whistle blows]
 * CJ: See you guys up there.
 * [train chugging]
 * [train whistle]
 * [long beat]
 * Big McIntosh: [unintelligible whispering]
 * Spike: [whispering] Uh, I dunno what to say. I mean, I hope he comes but I kinda don't want him to think of it...
 * Big McIntosh: [hushed] Yup.
 * [magic zap]
 * Discord: Fascinating article, yes? [nervous laugh] [hushed, to himself] Don't let them come over, please don't let them come over, please don't let them come over, please, please, please— [normal] Oh, salutations, my friend! Wish I could stay and chat, but I don't want to.
 * Spike: Wait! Um, we were wondering... What are you up to tonight?
 * Discord: [to himself] Oh, here we go...
 * Spike: Do you wanna, I don't know, hang out? Is that, like, something you do?
 * Discord: Oh, Twilight's friend and Applejack's monosyllabic brother, if only I weren't super busy this evening.
 * Spike: [to Big McIntosh] I guess guys' night will just be you and me.
 * Discord: A guys' night? You mean a rowdy evening of reckless revelry? Zoot suits, fedoras, swing dancing?
 * Spike: Eh, something like that. [nervous] You should totally come. Three of us would be way better than two...
 * Discord: That does sound fun, actually...
 * Spike: Too bad you're busy.
 * [magic zap]
 * Discord: Well, I suppose I could squeeze you in if I move a few very important ponies around.
 * [click]
 * Discord: [gravelly accent] June, honey, be a dear. Reschedule Luna and Cay-Cay. [normal, aside] That's what I call Princess Celestia, what a hoot! [gravelly accent] In fact, clear the whole evening. Tonight is guys' night. These fellas invited me to spice things up and bring a little class to the whole affair.
 * [magic zap]
 * [rumble]
 * Discord: [normal voice] Tonight will be the best night of your lives, and not just because you get to bask in my greatness.
 * Spike: I do like basking in things. See you tonight. [hushed] Twilight's castle. The fun starts promptly at sundown.
 * Discord: Technically, the fun starts when I arrive, but I'll make sure it's around sunset. Adieu, fellas.
 * [magic zap]


 * Spike: And... we have sundown. Repeat, we have sundown. I declare tonight's guys' night ceremonies officially open!
 * Big McIntosh: Eeyup!
 * Spike: It's guys' night.
 * Big McIntosh: Yup.
 * Spike: Oh, yeah.
 * Big McIntosh: Yup.
 * Spike: Havin' fun now.
 * Big McIntosh: Yup.
 * Spike: Oh, yeah!
 * Big McIntosh: Oh, yeah!
 * [fanfare]
 * Spike: What the hay?
 * [cartoon skedaddling]
 * Mini-Discord: [high-pitched] Announcing the much anticipated arrival of the spirit of chaos and disharmony, the purveyor of pandemonium, lord of lawlessness, earl of turmoil, bringer of bedlam... [imitating fanfare] Discord!
 * [electronic music playing]
 * [confetti exploding]
 * [magic zap]
 * Discord: So, shall we hop to it? I made a list of the rowdiest establishments in Ponyville. It's rather short.
 * Spike: Actually, we're staying here. I hope you like awesome games!
 * Discord: Games? I love games. I'm great at games.
 * [magic zap]
 * Discord: Famous pony charades? Oh, this is an easy one. Who am I? Huh? Huh?
 * [beat]
 * Discord: Oh, come on!
 * Spike: Uh... I'm talkin' about a real game.
 * Discord: Oh, you mean like trapping best friend ponies in hedge mazes and turning them against each other. Those were the days.
 * [Celestia's mane yowls]
 * [magic zap]
 * Spike: Not exactly. Wait here.
 * [beat]
 * Discord: Whatever it is, it can only get better by adding me to the mix.
 * Spike: [off-screen] Okay!


 * [click]
 * Spike: In a world where evil reigns supreme, a small band of warriors stands tall against the darkness. This is... Ogres & Oubliettes!
 * Discord: [gasps]


 * Discord: Oh, this looks like...
 * Spike: The best game ever? You're right!
 * Discord: Yes...
 * Spike: Ogres & Oubliettes is a fantasy role-playing adventure game. Our goal, defeat the evil Squid Wizard, or... [stifling laughter] as we call him... the Squizard!
 * Big McIntosh: [stifled laughter]
 * [beat]
 * Spike: [chuckling] [clears throat] The Squizard has laid siege to the last free city in Spiketopia. That's the name of the land. He's kidnapped a beautiful unicorn princess named Shmarity. [beat] Uh, which is like a normal name in Spiketopia, so, you know, don't think about it too much.
 * Discord: Fear not. Your romantic delusions are safe with me.
 * [zip!]
 * Spike: First things first – you've gotta create a character! Name?
 * Discord: How about... Discord?
 * Spike: [sighs] The whole point of the game is you get to use your imagination to be someone you're not. I'm Garbunkle, a famous magician. Everyone treats me with the utmost respect.
 * Discord: Just like in real life?
 * [crack]
 * Spike: And don't get jealous, but I'm a level 30 Enchanter with major skill points assigned to Intellect and Perception.
 * [hairdryer running]
 * Discord: [not listening] Go on, I'm listening.
 * Spike: Big Mac's character is Sir McBiggun, a level 27 Black Knight Unicorn from Castle Chadwick!
 * Discord: [still not listening] I'm listening.
 * Spike: When his king aligned himself with the Squizard, Sir McBiggun would not besmirch his honor.
 * Big McIntosh: Nnope!
 * Discord: [clears throat] [mumbling] I'm listening.
 * Spike: And so it came to pass, the magician and black knight vowed to rid Spiketopia of the evil Squizard.
 * [balloon deflating]
 * Spike: So, your character's name?
 * Discord: I already have the best name in the universe. Why would I change it for something like "Captain Wuzz"?
 * Spike: Captain Wuzz it is!
 * Discord: [groans]
 * Spike: What class are you, Captain Wuzz? There's Archers, Mages, Rogues...
 * Discord: [snorts] Can I suggest we take a break and, I don't know, go out and have some fun? Ponyville's not going to paint itself red.
 * Spike: You'll love it once we get started! [rolls die] How 'bout an Archer?
 * Discord: Sounds just as miserable as the other options. So fine.
 * [tok]
 * Spike: Sir McBiggun, are you prepared to enter the world of Ogres & Oubliettes?
 * Big McIntosh: Eeyup.
 * Spike: Discord, or should I say, Captain Wuzz, are you—
 * Discord: Oh, get on with it.
 * Spike: [rolls dice] We find ourselves trapped in the dungeon of the evil Squizard. The bars are locked tight.
 * [beat]
 * Spike: The bars exist in our imagination.
 * Discord: Really? You describe things, and then we pretend it's real?
 * Spike: It is real. In our imagination. It's your turn first. What do you wanna do?
 * Discord: Curse myself for attending this infernal evening? Ohhh, no, you mean in the game.
 * Spike: Well, you can do whatever you want. Then, I roll this twenty-sided die and see if you're successful.
 * [clang]
 * Discord: I stick my head through the bars and demand for the immediate release of the Lord of Chaos.
 * Spike: That's a big risk. You have to roll a seventeen or higher to succeed. [rolls die] Ooh, bad idea. The guard gets mad.
 * Discord: This spell here. I transform him into a parsnip.
 * Spike: You need eleven Intelligent points to cast a Transform Into Root Vegetable spell.
 * Discord: I'm not intelligent? I cast it anyway because this game is stupid.
 * [thud]
 * Spike: [rolls die] The spell backfires. So [stifling laughter] your claws grow leaves and transform into parsnips!
 * Big McIntosh: [chuckling] Parsnips. [laughs]
 * Discord: [growls]
 * Spike: The guard laughs. He calls his friends over, and they laugh too.
 * Spike and Big McIntosh: [laughing]
 * Discord: Don't you laugh at me, Big Mac! Does it really say that? Let me see.
 * Big McIntosh: [laughing]
 * Spike: [rolls die] [laughs] As you get angrier, everypony laughs harder!
 * Discord: I seal Sir McBiggun in a magic bubble until he stops laughing!
 * Spike: I told you, you can't do magic!
 * Spike and Big McIntosh: [laughing]
 * [magic zap]
 * Big McIntosh: Whoaa! Nope! Nope! Nope!
 * Discord: "Not intelligent enough." Please.
 * Spike: Cut it out, Discord!
 * Discord: Oh, this game is insufferable! Let me show you a real guys' night!
 * [snap]


 * [upbeat jazz]
 * Discord: [laughing] This is the life! Jazz, dancing, the best table magic can buy! This is what guys' night is all about. Am I right, fellas?
 * Big McIntosh: Eeyup!
 * Spike: I know you probably didn't do this on purpose, but this table's the perfect size and shape!
 * Discord: I don't think so. Let's have a drink. Chocolate milkshakes?
 * Spike: [sighs] No, we want to go back to Ogres &—
 * Discord: Oh, how 'bout a different game? [magic zap] Those are very bad cards.
 * Spike: Stop messing with us! We wanna—
 * [magic zap]
 * Discord: A dance contest?
 * [upbeat jazz BGM]
 * Discord: Surprise! We won!
 * Spike: Discord!
 * Discord: [sinister] Yes?
 * Spike: Look, we don't wanna do these things. We wanna play our game. If you don't want to play with us, you can, I don't know, sit and watch.
 * Discord: Sit and watch? Fine. We'll play your game. [reverberating] Are you ready to enter the world of Ogres & Oubliettes?
 * [magic zap]


 * Spike: Sir McBiggun?!
 * Big McIntosh: Eeyup!
 * Spike: And I'm... Garbunkle? That means... Sweetness! We're in the game! Check it out! Ka-zam!
 * [magic zaps]
 * [shings]
 * Spike: It's guys' night!
 * Big McIntosh: Eeyup!
 * Spike: Oh, yeah!
 * Big McIntosh: Yup!
 * Spike: In the game now!
 * Big McIntosh: Yup!
 * Spike: Oh, yeah!
 * Big McIntosh: Oh, yeah!
 * Spike: Discord, where are you? This is great! You made the game real!
 * Discord: [reverberating] [laughs] Aren't games fun?
 * Spike: Should we be worried he's using his scary voice?
 * [army marching]
 * Squizard: Behold! I am the Squizard!
 * Spike and Big McIntosh: [gasps]
 * Discord: [reverberating] [chuckles] You're welcome.
 * Squizard: Attack!


 * [army shouting]
 * Spike: Run!
 * Spike and Big McIntosh: [panting]
 * [arrows being fired]
 * Discord: [reverberating] You find yourself on the battlefield. A barrage of arrows rains down on you. If you roll a fifteen or higher, the shield protects you. Fourteen or lower and, well... [laughs] You get the idea.
 * [thud]
 * [magic zap]
 * Discord: Seventeen! Lucky you!
 * Big McIntosh: [grunts]
 * Discord: Boo.
 * Spike and Big McIntosh: [panting]
 * Discord: Boo.
 * Spike and Big McIntosh: [screaming]
 * Spike: Discord!
 * [magic zap]
 * Discord: Sir McBiggun, I'd cover the entrance if I were you.
 * [shing!]
 * Spike: This isn't funny!
 * Discord: Isn't this what every gamer wants? To live the game? Like this?!
 * [magic zaps]
 * [thud]
 * Spike: Ugh!
 * [army shouting]
 * [thud]
 * Spike: [groans] This kinda hurts! Like, real pain!
 * [magic zap]
 * Discord: Oh, how kind of you to notice. It's the little details that really bring alternate dimensions to life, wouldn't you say?
 * Spike: Discord, this is awful!
 * [magic zap]
 * Squizard: Of course it is! Spiketopia will be mine! And Rarity shall be my bride!
 * [beat]
 * Squizard: I mean, Shmarity.
 * [magic zap]
 * Spike and Big McIntosh: [gibbering]
 * [thud]
 * Spike: Why are you doing this? You're the worst!
 * Discord: If I'm the worst, then why did you invite me?
 * Spike: Because we felt bad for you!
 * Discord: Because you... what?!
 * [snap]


 * [magic zap]
 * Spike: [panting] We're okay, we're okay! No thanks to you, Discord!
 * Discord: You felt sorry for me?
 * Spike: Who wouldn't? Fluttershy told us you practically begged her to stay! And then at the train station, you were just standing there, all alone!
 * Discord: This can't be. I'm supposed to feel sorry for you because I'm me and you're you.
 * Spike: [sighs] We only invited you to be nice! I mean, you're kind of a... weirdo!
 * Big McIntosh: Eeyup.
 * Discord: I ruined your night, and you don't even think I'm cool? Ugh. [zap] [muffled] How embarrassing. I should go. [normal] I have a lot of other friends I need to see tonight.
 * Spike: Good!
 * Discord: Yes, so many other friends. [whimpers] Farewell, Garbunkle the magician and brave Sir McBiggun. May providence smile upon thee in thy quest to rid Spiketopia of the dreaded Squizard... [sighs] When I say it that way, the game doesn't sound half bad.
 * [magic zap]
 * Discord: Oh, well.
 * [magic zap]
 * Spike: [sighs] It... it's better this way, right?
 * Big McIntosh: Eeyup.
 * Spike: Because... now he can't bother us, 'cause he's off somewhere by himself... all alone... with no friends.
 * Big McIntosh: Yup.
 * Spike: [sighs] [clears throat] [unenthusiastic] We find ourselves in the dungeon of the evil Squizard. The bars are locked, and... Ah, who am I kidding? We should give him another chance. [clears throat] Captain Wuzz? Can you hear me?
 * [magic zap]
 * Discord: Oh! You realized how amazing I am and that I make you cooler just by being around me?
 * [beat]
 * Discord: Uh... [stammering] No, no, actually, that's not what I meant to say... I'm... sssssss...
 * Spike: What?
 * Discord: I'm ssssssss—
 * Spike: Can't hear you.
 * Big McIntosh: Nope.
 * Discord: I'm trying to say I'm sorry, all right?! I'm sorry for ruining your game, and I'm sorry that I thought I was better than you! [pants] [quickly] Now let's play before this evening gets any sappier, shall we?
 * [magic zap]
 * Big McIntosh: [unintelligible whispering]
 * Spike: Huh? Yeah, yeah! Okay! What if we forgot the board and the pieces for a minute? I mean, the whole game coming to life was completely terrifying, but also kind of the best thing ever! So, uh, Big Mac and I were wondering... What if you toned it down just a teensy bit?


 * [main cast chattering]
 * [doors open]
 * Mane Six: Huh?
 * (All of the Huggstables begins to laugh as they are about to hug the park employees but the guys manages to fight them back while Skips runs away)
 * Huggstable #3: (Wants to hug Pops) Hugs!

(Pops punches her while Rigby uses his chair and hits the three of them to save Thomas)

Rigby: Hug this! (Starts hitting them as Thomas got out while the three Huggstables started to hug a chair, Skips arrive the with gym bag and threw it to the groups with dream catcher weapons inside)

Skips: Grab a weapon!

(The guys pick up their weapons. Mordecai grabs the tennis ball racket dream catcher)

Mordecai: Cool.

(Mordecai runs towards the Huggstables and swings the racket dream catcher on the Huggstables, Benson uses a bowing arrow dream catcher fire at the Huggstables the dream catcher pops out of the arrow and sucks it inside)

Rigby: Skips, why you have all this stuff?

Skips: Hey! When you're as old as me, you have some pretty crazy dreams.

(The two runs around in the living room about to fire their weapons trapping the Huggstables, Pops with his dream catcher gun fires at the two Huggstables, High Five Ghost with the dream catcher mirror trap two Huggstables while Skips runs yelling, a Huggstable hug Benson Thomas with his straw that blows the dream catcher at the Huggstable saving Benson, Later Mordecai was swing the racket trapping one Huggstable as he tries to trap another one the dream catcher pounce the Huggstable)

Mordecai: Shoot, it's full!

Five Huggstables: (Running towards Mordecai) Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs, Hugs!

(A giant dream catcher net appears out of nowhere trapping five of them, which turns out to be Pops laughing and blows the gun, Suddenly one of the Huggstable appears in front of him and hug him on the floor)

Pops: Bad show!

Benson & Thomas: Pops!

(Benson grabs Pops while Thomas grabs the Huggstable and lift it high as Skips with his dream catcher harpoon fire at the Huggstable)

Huggstable #4: Hugs!

(The dreams catcher finally trap the last one)

Rigby: Did we get them all?

(Suddenly they heard a stomping noise they turned around to see a shadowy figure which revealed to be a giant pink Huggstable)

Huggstable Leader: Want a hug?

(Rigby fires the small dream catcher tries to trap it but it hit the leader and no effect)

Mordecai: We're out of dream catchers.

Skips: No there's still one left.

(The scene cuts to the guys in Skips' van as the Huggstable Leader crash through the house)

Mordecai: Skips, this dream catcher is way too small.

Skips: I wasn't talking about that dream catcher.

(As the van starts continuing charging toward the leader, the camera cuts to see the skateboard ramp still there)

Benson: Ugh, I told you guys to put that ramp away!

Skips: You're gonna be glad they didn't. Hang on!

(Skips pulls the brake and accelerates the van towards the ramp and flew in the air revealing that the last dream catcher is under the van and landed on the leader trapped her inside the dream catcher as the van swirls and crashes into the broken wall)
 * Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash: Guys' night! All: GUYS' NIGHT!


 * [credits]